Saving Face

I present myself on Facebook in a specific way. It's not a false appearance, it's just a censored one. I definitely do leave out certain thoughts or traits of my personality because I do not want that audience to see them. I am "friends" with my parents, former professors, fellow church members, and relatives. I do not want these people to know the nights I have too much to drink, the impatience I have with customers, or any foul language I might have. Instead, I use my profile to update with family news, photos, significant events, school projects, and other wholesome activities. The impression I want my "friends" to get is that I love my job, I work hard at school, believe in God, and have a wonderful family- which are all true.
However, I cannot control what other people post on my own profile. I do have the option to delete certain comments or posts, but I never have. There has never been something too offensive that I thought I had to delete it. But there have been numerous instances where my friends write something that I wish they hadn't. While it is sometimes uncomfortable because I know people can read it, I do not hold it against my friends. In my own opinion, I have the choice to censor myself, but it is not my place to ask my friends to censor themselves. I love them for who they are and am not going to try and hide that or change their behavior. If there are people that read their inappropriate comments or posts on my profile and think of me differently, that is their decision. I will continue to maintain the same impression and continue to be friends with those I am friends with. 
I didn't always think this way though. Over time, I've realized it is not worth it to get worked up over what other people write. Though it does threaten my face because it's not the impression I want to uphold, any tension or conflict from it is pointless in my opinion. I've been upset by what my friend has written on my status before and it did not do any good. 

Trust

Chapter 6
In my personal experience, trust is something that is almost impossible to earn back once it is lost. I was dating my boyfriend for several months when I learned that he had been unfaithful. I approached him and explained what I had heard, and after much denying and excusing, he ultimately admitted to it. At first, I was too angry to feel anything else. But after the anger subsided, I started to realize how sad I was that he broke my trust. Loyalty and commitment are two important values in a relationship and he disregarded both of them. And then by lying and denying the act, he made it so much worse. 
While I was so hurt and upset, it's hard to take your emotions out of the situation and be logical. It can be easy to forgive and forget when you think you are in love. But I was foolish, and I thought I could mend our relationship after he apologized. After a few weeks, I realized it would never be the same. Once that bond of trust was broken, it was like I always had doubt if he was telling the truth or not. Was he really where he said he was? Did he get home at that time? I just kept looking for reasons to see dishonesty. That was not fair to him, and it wasn't fair to me because we weren't happy. 
We eventually were finished for good and since then we have not really stayed in touch. I don't have any animosity towards him anymore, but I don't think we need to be in each other's lives. The trust was never fully restored. I think now, since it's been a year, I don't have the same issues with him that I once had, but I still would not put "trustworthy" and "loyal" as his top personality traits. 

Chapter 11: Post 3

This chapter covered the world of mediation and the role a mediator can play in an interpersonal conflict. In this chapter, the idea of reframing was covered. I have learned about reframing in another Communication Studies class where I fell in love with it. Therefore, when I saw it in our text, I instantly became related to the chapter. In my previous Comm class, reframing was touched on when we discussed techniques of dialogue. This chapter referred to it in the context of interpersonal conflict, which was a new way to think about it. The reason I love reframing is because it is the most applicable tool I have learned in my Comm studies courses. Additionally, it is highly effective, as well. I've even taught my mother how to reframe! I've used reframing to turn a negative into a positive. For example, I have been at dinner with my friends and one of them complained that he did not like their food at all. He wanted to complain to the manager about his distaste for this new dish and wanted it discounted, at the very least. Personally, I thought he should not do that because he had already eaten most of the food. I used reframing to keep him from causing an unnecessary conflict. I told him, "You appreciate trying new things and this was a risk you took. Though it was not the best thing you ever ate, it's great that you love to discover new things you love and learn what's not meant for you." Reframing in this situation let me focus the attention on the positive: his boldness and love for trying new things. I find reframing incredibly helpful and will definitely keep using it. 

Chapter 11: Post 2

I would, and have, used fractionation in my job when the end goal seems impossible to reach. I work at a large clothing store and at the end of a very busy day, the place can look destroyed. Clothes on the floor, hangers falling off racks, trash here and there, shopping carts, and other random merchandise that just does not belong. But it is my responsibility to get my department clean before I run out of time. If I focus on the big problem, the messy department, I get overwhelmed because I worry I will not clean it in time. But if I can do one small task at a time, I can make steps to reach my goal. I first clean up everything off the floor, then collect the trash, then I can put away the clothes, etc. Fractionation helps me focus on one thing at a time so I do not waste time stressing. 
Framing can be used when I need to talk with co-workers about an issue that was mishandled. If I am unsure of who is to blame, or if I do not want to place any blame, but still want to address the issue, I can use framing to keep a neutral and friendly conversation. 
Reframing can be used with customers. It is incredibly common for a customer to complain about something. It could be they want the merchandise discounted, they do not want to wait in line, they cannot find their shoe size, or the music is too loud. I've heard a wide variety of complaints that can easily turn into an uncomfortable setting if not handled properly. Reframing can give me the chance to turn the conversation to a positive tone. 
Common ground can be used with groups of people I have to interact with. For example, working on a class project. It is much easier to work with people when you know you have things in common with them. Being able to highlight similar interests and values would strengthen our bond as a group. 

Chapter 11: Post 1

The role of a mediator is well-suited for a communication studies majors because it applies the theories and techniques in a real world setting. In my personal experience as communication studies major, I've been introduced to the role of a facilitator and worked with a group of students as a class project. The rules that were taught to me then are very similar to what the textbook teaches as rules for a mediator. Similar ideas are used, like neutrality and re-framing are vital to both. These concepts are being taught to communication studies major every year, which is why it is a great stepping stone into mediation. Communication studies majors should make great mediators because they've not only learned these skills, but they've had the chance to use them and improve on them. With more training for formal contexts, a communication studies major would do an excellent job in the realm of mediation.
Lawyers and psychotherapists might find it difficult to play the role of a mediator due to its necessity of neutrality. A mediator must be an unbiased, third party. He or she must not side with either party, nor use any authority. Since lawyers and psychotherapists play authoritative figures, they may have trouble keeping opinion to themselves. Their jobs are to give advice, therefore mediation would not be the best role for them. A mediator should not make any decision making. He or she needs to speak only for his or herself. Someone who has been well-trained to use his authority to make a decision, like a lawyer, would not be the best fit for mediation.

Chapter 3: Post 3

This chapter focused on different approaches to communicating in conflict. Personally, I am an avid avoider of conflict. Starting to read this chapter, I was a bit nervous to learn my communication style is not preferable. However, reading more and learning more about the recommended approaches, like the Relationship-centered orientation made me focus on ways to improve. 

I am usually a very Other-centered oriented person. I shy away from any situation that will end in the other person left with hurt feelings or mixed opinions of me. I try and do whatever I can to please what he or she needs. Though this makes me happy in the beginning because I am well-liked, after a while, the reputation of a pushover comes along. I've been called a "doormat" by friends before and it's insulting. But at the same time, it's not false. 

This chapter gave me the ability to see where my errors are and the benefits of changing my approach to conflict communication. Hopefully, I can try a more assertive technique and be able to stand up for my own interests while still satisfying the other person's needs, as well. 

This chapter definitely acted like a mirror for my life, which is not always easy to see. But when there are ways progress can be made, it definitely gives hope. 

Chapter 3: Post 2

I worked at a daycare for a few years and it is clear that every family has its own way of disciplining a child. If the child had been misbehaving that day, I'd have to inform the parents. Most would go home and talk to their child in private, but some would handle the issue right in front of me. Once in a while, there would be a parent who would take a more aggressive approach when disciplining his or her kid. Though I never felt it was my place to give my opinion, I do feel some crossed the line. 
The difference between disciplining and pushing is the intent behind your actions. Disciplining is when a child has done something wrong and you want to correct them. Pushing is when you are forcing your opinions and what you want onto your child, disregarding their own needs. A parent can be a strict discipliner and still not be a pusher. I was raised with very strict parents. At times I hated how rigid their rules could be, but I never doubted that it was for my best interest. 
I think people overstep their paternal authority when, instead of trying to simply correct a wrongdoing, they are taking out their frustration and anger. Discipline should be seen as guidance. If there is hostility and anger being taken out on the child, there is going to be less guidance and focus on other's needs.